(Re)discovery: Finding a New Identity in Motherhood
When a child is born, so is a mother. Yet, what is left of the woman who existed for the years before her days became filled with gummy smiles and lullabies? Many moms fall head first into the identity of mama and struggle to find their sense of self outside of this role. Their past self feels like another life, and they no longer feel connected to the person they were and the interests they had. This leaves many mothers with an internal sense of emptiness once their baby is out of their arms. For many, this begs the question, who am I and what do I do with myself? If you are struggling to rediscover your identity, read on to learn some ways to develop a new sense of self in this season of your life.
Ways to Find Your Identity as a Mother
1. Take time for yourself
I know what you’re thinking, how is time to myself going to help me and where am I supposed to find this time to myself? And I totally get that. Yet, time for yourself doesn’t have to be anything major. See if you are able to take a few minutes each day for you–whether in the morning before your baby wakes for the day, during nap, once they are asleep for the night, or if someone is able to watch them for a little while. While it is tempting to fill all of this time tackling the endless to-do list, see if you can reserve just a few of those moments for you. Just a few minutes of time spent connecting with yourself goes a long way.
2. Seek out connections with adults
Motherhood can be isolating. Many women struggle to connect with their childless friends and miss out on the social events they used to love attending (dinner plans at 9pm feel really different when there’s a baby in the mix). And while days spent with your littlest sidekick are natural and desired for many, it can start to feel lonely. Finding a space to prioritize your relationships is such an important part of balancing out your sense of self. As you’re able, make time for your partner, get out for coffee (or even a call) with friends, and consider joining a mom’s group or baby class to connect with others in a similar life space.
3. Explore new hobbies and activities
Maybe your hobbies of hitting up happy hour or taking spontaneous trips to a new place don’t fit too well with this stage of motherhood, but there are so many hobbies and activities that can fit into your life. Consider what you used to enjoy doing and see if there are ways to adapt them to your current situation. This is also a wonderful time to explore new interests. You can play around with new activities and find what sticks and what doesn’t.
4. Reflect on how you wish to define yourself
When you have the capacity to do so, consider how you would like to see yourself. How would you want to define yourself? Mother? Partner? Sister? Friend? Professional? Adventurer? Free spirit? Spend time reflecting on all of these aspects of you. Do these feel even in weight? Is there one that you wish to prioritize more than the others? What would the ideal balance look like for you? Know that there is no right or wrong here, it is truly about what feels the most aligned with you.
5. Allow yourself to be in the middle
Oftentimes, we rush to get somewhere. You may be feeling the pressure to have it all figured out. If this sounds like you, know that it can take time, and that’s okay! You don’t need to find the perfect balance right away or feel like you know exactly who you are at all times. You are allowed to try out new things and decide it’s not for you. You are allowed to shift, change, and grow. Allow yourself the space and freedom to be messy.
