Navigating Pregnancy After Loss

You experienced the earth shattering pain of perinatal loss and now you’re pregnant again. You’re probably feeling terrified, shocked, uncertain, anxious, and a mix of a million other emotions. You may even be feeling guilt around how you’re feeling, like why aren’t I excited, this is what I wanted? Experiencing pregnancy after loss is complicated, messy, and different for everyone. Read on to learn some tips for navigating pregnancy after miscarriage, TFMR, stillbirth, infant loss, or any other perinatal loss.

Pregnancy After Loss Tip #1: Give Yourself Grace

You’re not a bad mom if you don’t feel excited about your pregnancy. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby or that you won’t be able to connect with them. It simply means you’re scared. After experiencing loss, it is common to not want to get your hopes up or to feel like losing this pregnancy is inevitable. Start by giving yourself some grace. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling without adding shame and judgment. You are experienced the unthinkable and your system is responding out of protection.

Pregnancy After Loss Tip #2: Allow Yourself to Grieve

Grief doesn’t stop when you get pregnant. You are allowed to grieve the baby that was lost and feel what you need to. In your pregnancy, you may pass due dates and other milestone moments that you would have had otherwise. Give yourself space to grieve as much as you can. You can hold love for the baby you have while also grieving the baby you lost.

Pregnancy After Loss Tip #3: Reach Out to Your Support System

Pregnancy after loss can be so isolating. Especially if you’re receiving messages that minimize or flat out ignore your loss– as if getting pregnant washes away all of the pain. Find the people who you can talk with and connect with them. If you’re needing more, consider a support group where you can share in a space with others who have a similar experience. 

Pregnancy After Loss Tip #4: Let Your Care Team Know Your Needs

Depending on your healthcare provider, there can be varying levels of support and empathy provided. However, having a provider who you feel like you can trust and who is looking out for you is especially important during this time. Consider having an open conversation with them about how you’re feeling and what your options are. This could potentially provide opportunities for more frequent visits or ultrasounds, or at minimum allow for more understanding. If you don’t feel like your provider is supportive, consider finding someone else.

Pregnancy After Loss Tip #5: Consider Therapy

Therapy isn’t only a space for you to speak without judgment, it’s a space where you can heal. If you’re finding that the anxiety, sadness, grief, or trauma is impacting your ability to function in the way you’d like, therapy is a valuable option. Particularly for healing from loss, consider working with a perinatal trauma therapist, who can understand the nuances of pregnancy and postpartum, as well as the impact of trauma during this time.